Marnie: Page 17

  “I can’t do that,” he said, gently pushing his way into her room and closing the door behind him. He tossed his hat on her bed next to the basket of clothes for the kids and stood waiting.

  She turned her back to him and set her pocketbook and gloves on her dresser then unpinned her hat and set it down before sticking the hatpin in a ceramic holder next to a small jewelry box.

  “Talk to me, Marnie. What’s wrong?” Lars asked, stepping behind her and putting his hands on her shoulders. Looking into the mirror above her dresser, he thought they made a handsome couple. They looked right together, like they belonged together, and that fact left him disturbed and troubled.

  Keeping his face impassive, he rubbed his hands up and down her arms and felt her relax a little. “What upset you so?”

  “Did you not hear what those women said?”

  “Of course I heard what they said. I wanted to tell them exactly what I thought of what they said, but being a gentleman, I try to refrain from speaking that way around ladies and there was one standing right beside me.” Lars gave her a teasing grin. Instead of making her lips curve up with a smile, a tear rolled down her cheek and she choked back a sob.

  “Ah, sweet thing, what is it?” Lars turned her so she faced him and wrapped his arms around her in a comforting embrace. “Just tell me.”

  He felt her shake her head where it rested against his chest. Her breath felt warm as it blew through the fabric of his shirt, caressing his skin. Heat began spiraling from his midsection to his extremities. He inhaled her fragrance again and moved so his chin rested on top of her curls.

  “Talk to me, Marnie.”

  “I’m no lady, unless you’re referring to one of the evening, Lars, and well you know it. You’re standing in my room in a brothel, for goodness sakes. I deserve their nasty comments and cold glares. I’m a despicable, worthless piece of trash.”

  Lars pushed her back far enough he could grasp her chin and tilt it up, forcing her to look in his eyes.

  “I don’t ever want to hear you talk like that again. Do you hear me?” Lars felt his anger kindling, not only toward the cruel women at the store, but that Marnie held such a low opinion of herself. Regardless of what she did for a living, she was one of the most compassionate, caring people he’d ever met, as well as being funny, smart, and strong-willed. “You’re a wonderful person. One I care for a great deal.”

  “You shouldn’t, Lars. I’m not worthy of your friendship or your care.” Marnie pulled herself away and went to her familiar spot by the window, gazing outside through the filmy lace she’d left draped over the glass.

  “Yes, you are. You’re worthy of being treated like a queen, Marnie Jones. I don’t care where you came from, what you do, or anything about your past.” Lars pulled her back against his chest and kissed the top of her head. “All I need to know is that you’re a wonderful girl with a gentle soul who makes me smile.”

  She gave him a watery glance over her shoulder.

  He released a sigh. “If it bothers you so much, why don’t you do something else with your life? You’re too smart and good to waste the best years of your life here, doing this.”

  “Who do you think would hire me after I’ve worked here? It would be like opening your door and inviting in the plague. No one wants a former strumpet working for them, tainting their name and driving away business.”

  “Is that why you refuse to help Ilsa?” Lars held onto his patience by a thin thread. He’d had about all he could take of Marnie speaking poorly about herself. “Because you think you’ll somehow taint her business?”

  “Yes.” The word came out so quietly, Lars barely heard it.

  “That’s a silly and unfounded notion. Ilsa wouldn’t offer you the job unless she needed the help and knew you could do it. From what I’ve observed, most people don’t possess the talent and skill to work with my sister and the fact that she repeatedly asks you says a lot about your abilities. I think you’d be an asset to her, not a hindrance.” Lars turned her around again so he could speak to her face. “As for the rest of the people in town, there are always going to be those like we ran into at the store, filled with their self-righteous judgments. For the most part, though, if you’d give them a chance, I think people would surprise you.”

  “No.”

  “No, what?”

  “No, I’m not going to allow myself to be talked into something that is never going to work. You have no idea how close I’ve come to giving up all hope, to giving up my…” Her voice broke and she looked away, trying to gather her composure.

  “Giving up your what?”

  Marnie put a hand over her mouth, trying to hold back her tears, wrapping her other hand around her middle.

  “Dang it, woman! Talk to me.” Lars grabbed her arms and drew her closer. “What did you give up?”

  Marnie shook her head, refusing to speak.

  “I’m not leaving until you tell me. What did you almost give up?”

  “My will to live.”

  Air whooshed out of Lars and he tried to reconcile himself to Marnie’s words. How could she ever consider what she was implying?

  “No, Marnie. Not that. Not ever that,” he said, pulling her gently to him. Sobs wracked through her and she buried her face against his chest. He rubbed her back soothingly, murmured softly, telling her everything was going to be fine. “Promise me you won’t ever think like that again.”

  She didn’t move, didn’t make a sound.

  “Marnie? Promise me.”

  “Why? What does it matter to you?”

  What did it matter? Could she really not know how very much her life mattered to him? Raw emotion thickened his throat and he had to swallow hard twice before he could speak.

  “It matters a great deal to me, Marnie. I don’t want anything to happen to you. I want you to be happy.”

  “Happiness isn’t meant for people like me.”

  Lars continued to hold her, keeping her wrapped in the love he wished he could freely give to her, but his responsibilities as a marshal came first.

  “It’s meant for anyone who reaches out and grabs it, Marnie. The only person who can make you happy is you, no matter where you are or what your circumstances might be. I’ve seen people with nothing, not even a shirt on their back, filled with joy.”

  “All the joy in my heart died a long time ago and until you came along, I never thought to find any again. I know you can’t stay here, Lars. I know you’re dedicated to your work. I know there’s no future for us, but you brought back a glimmer of hope just when I didn’t have any left.”

  Lars bit back a groan of pure misery. He’d hurt Marnie as much as he helped her and now she was telling him he’d given her hope?

  “Look, sweetheart, I don’t know what I’ve done besides torment you and boss you around…”A quick look down at Marnie’s face confirmed she was close to smiling, just as he intended. “But I’m glad you think I did something helpful.”

  “Not just helpful, Lars. Hopeful.”

  Hugging her tightly, he kissed her temple. “You didn’t really think about… you know… um… did you?”

  “You’re a lawman. You know the suicide rate among harlots is one of the highest in the country. I could tell you half a dozen ways to poison yourself without anyone knowing.” She opened a dresser drawer and withdrew a small bottle. Placing it in his hand, she gave him a terse nod. “I could drink that and just never wake up again.”

  His legs wobbled beneath him and he plunked down in her ridiculous pink chair.

  “Are you okay?” Marnie asked, concerned as his face paled and his jaw clenched.

  When he could speak again, his voice was angry, although he kept it low so no one else would hear. “No, I’m not okay. What are you thinking? You can’t go around studying ways to kill yourself. What the…”

  Lars took a calming breath, then another, before he said something he’d regret. “Promise me no matter what, you’ll never, ever consider that an option. D
ay or night, no matter what lies heavy on your heart, you can come to me anytime.”

  Marnie’s lip quivered and tears welled in her eyes, but she nodded her head.

  Lars grabbed her around her waist and pulled her onto his lap. Kissing her cheek, he circled his arms around her, never wanting to let go.

  “I want to hear you say it.”

  Sniffling, she nodded her head again. “I promise.”

  “Good girl.” Lars held her quietly for a while then looked at the bottle in his hand. “What’s in here?”

  “Some kind of sleeping serum.” Marnie reached for the bottle, but Lars kept it in his hand. “I got it from one of the Chinese men who works in the Underground. A drop will put a grown man out in no time at all.”

  “How, exactly, do you know that?”

  Marnie’s face flushed scarlet and she snatched the bottle from him, returning it to her drawer.

  “Marnie? How do you know?”

  “I’ve used it lots of times,” she said, intently scrutinizing the lace scarf on top of her dresser.

  “On yourself?”

  “Certainly not. I, um… I’ve… does it really matter?”

  “Yes, it really does.” Lars stood and pulled her around to meet his gaze.

  “I use it on my clients,” she whispered, staring at the pattern of the carpet beneath their feet.

  “You what?”

  “The men usually like a drink. I add a drop and by the time they’re ready to… um… engage my services, they’re asleep. They wake up a little groggy about twenty minutes later, feeling content and blissful, remembering what a wonderful time they experienced.”

  No wonder Marnie was among the most popular harlots in town. The men woke up recalling fantasies they mistook for reality.

  Lars tried not to laugh, but he couldn’t help himself. It truly shouldn’t strike him as funny. It was terribly wrong, but Marnie proved again to have a sharp, clever mind, as well as how plainly she didn’t belong under Miss Clementine’s employ.

  “Do you use this frequently?”

  “As often as I can.” Marnie refused to look at him. “Are you going to arrest me for dosing the clientele?”

  “No. If anyone ever asks, I don’t know a thing about it.”

  “Thank you. If Miss Clementine found out, she’d toss me out on my ear.”

  “That wouldn’t be such a bad thing. I know several places you could go, starting with Ilsa’s place and ending with Aundy’s.”

  “We’ve been over this until I’m thoroughly tired of discussing it. I won’t bring my shame to the door of any of my friends, you included.”

  Lars wiped the last of the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs and stared into those stormy blue eyes, so full of pain, hurt, and yearning. “You couldn’t ever bring me shame, Marnie. Please consider how much Ilsa could use your help. Since Laila’s arrival, she said she keeps falling further and further behind with her orders. She’s frantic to find some trustworthy help. You’d really be doing her a favor.”

  “I’ll think about it, but I’m not promising anything. Now, if you don’t get out of here, I won’t have time to take care of the clothes for Sadie and Noah before work tonight.” Marnie gave him a playful push toward the door.

  He picked up his hat and settled it on his head. Marnie watched his every move, wishing life was different, she was different, because Lars was the kind of man who would be so easy to love forever.

  Moving to the door, his hand lingered on the knob a moment while he gave her a long, intense look. Raising his arm, he grasped her chin in his hand. “Never lose hope, sweet thing. Not ever.”

  “I promise.”

  Kissing her lips so quickly she wasn’t sure he even made contact with them, he opened the door and gave her a devilish smile. “I’ll expect you to be waiting outside for me to pick up in the morning.”

  “I’m not going out to the Webster place with you, Lars. You’ll have to get the kids by yourself.” Marnie dearly wished she could go, but if Lars were going to go out there and get back in time to take Sadie and Noah to church services, he’d have to leave town when she was getting a few hours of much needed sleep.

  “I know that, but you’re going to spend the day with us after we all go to church.”

  Lars shut the door while Marnie’s eyes widened in surprise and she spluttered. Pulling the door open, he was nowhere in sight.

  Shutting the door, she picked up the basket of clothes and sat in her chair. If Lars Thorsen thought she’d stroll into church on his arm tomorrow, he had better go right to Doc Reed’s and get his head examined. The building might burn to the ground if she dared step foot inside.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Marnie had one leg altered on Noah’s little knee pants and started on the second when a crisp tap sounded at her door.

  Quickly setting aside the sewing, she opened the door and smiled at Miss Clementine.

  “You’re free to do as you wish this evening. Mr. Thorsen paid for your services and we both know that means you won’t be working.”

  “Yes, ma’am. Thank you.” Marnie didn’t know if the woman was irritated or indifferent. She at least kept her word and didn’t try to make a double profit off her.

  “Enjoy your evening and your day tomorrow. Happy Easter.” Miss Clementine didn’t wait for her response before spinning on her heel and marching down the hall toward her office. Miss Clementine observed Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, shutting down her business on those three days. The remaining days of the year, she was open every night.

  Relieved, yet oddly annoyed by Lars’ meddling in her life, she finished altering the suit for Noah then trimmed Sadie’s hat. When she finished, she went to the kitchen and heated up an iron. Pressing all the wrinkles from the clothes, she carefully wrapped them in a spare sheet to keep them clean for Lars to take to the children the following morning.

  She started to send Lewis to carry the things to Caterina’s restaurant, but had doubts the clothes would arrive unwrinkled.

  Quickly pinning on her hat and tugging on her gloves, she draped the sheet-covered clothes over one arm and picked up the basket with Sadie’s hat and other things, then briskly walked to Caterina’s restaurant.

  Standing off to the side of the front window, she enjoyed watching the diners eat, all appearing content and satisfied with their meals. The delicious aromas floating on the air outside reminded her she’d skipped lunch and would have to rush to get dinner before Gertie left for the evening.

  Hurrying around to the back door, she tapped and waited for someone to answer. She didn’t have long to wait before Kade opened it and, after giving her a surprised glance, invited her inside.

  “What brings you by?” he asked, motioning for her to have a seat at a table where he’d obviously been eating dinner. His two boys sat in high chairs tossing spaghetti noodles at each other and giggling. Caterina and her staff scurried around the big kitchen, oblivious to anything beyond their work.

  “Lars is planning to bring the Webster children into town for Easter services tomorrow and Ilsa donated some clothing for them. I made a few alterations and pressed the clothes. I just wanted to leave them for Lars.”

  “He’s not here right now, but you can take them upstairs to his apartment. Just leave them on the bed and he’ll find them.” Kade pointed to the stairs near the back door. “I’d run them up there for you, but I’ve got my hands full.”

  “I can see that,” Marnie said, grinning as one of the boys poured his cup of milk all down the front of his shirt then started to cry. She went up the stairs and opened the door at the top, glancing into a sitting room. Walking down a short hall, an open door showed a large bed, hastily made. The room smelled like Lars’ unique scent.

  Breathing deeply, Marnie placed the sheet-wrapped bundle and basket on the bed, knowing Lars would figure out what it was.

  Rushing back downstairs, she wished Kade luck with an impish grin and started to go out the door.

  �
��Here, Marnie, take this,” Caterina said, shoving a basket into her hands.

  “What’s this?” she asked, inhaling the heady scent of meat and spices.

  “Just a little dinner. You’ve never eaten here before and you seem in a hurry, so I thought you could take it with you. Just send my plate and basket back with Lars or drop it by sometime when you’re out and about.” Caterina gave her a friendly smile, then rushed back to stir something on the stove.

  Marnie blinked twice, staring at the basket. Shooting Kade a grateful look, she quickly left before tears rolled down her cheeks. Maybe Lars was right. Maybe some people in town would be willing to give her a chance.

  Mulling over the possibilities, she returned to her room and enjoyed the delicious dinner along with a peaceful evening reading. She was thankful for Lars’ interference, even if he was going to go broke if he didn’t cease paying Miss Clementine to keep her from working. The other girls were already complaining about her getting out of working her shifts.

  She retired early and slept deeply for the first time in years. Awaking before dawn, rested with a feeling of excitement stirring in her heart, she sat up in bed and hugged her knees. She imagined the look on Noah and Sadie’s faces when Lars arrived with their new clothes and let them know they were going on an adventure, wishing she could see their expressions in person.

  Jumping out of bed, she yanked on a plain cotton dress, braided her hair and tied the end with a ribbon then shoved her feet into shoes. Grabbing a shawl, she raced outside.

  Marnie ran to Caterina’s restaurant and tapped on the back door, but got no answer. She decided she must have missed Lars when her second knock went unanswered. Walking around to the front of the building, she watched a lone surrey roll down the street through the early morning light and recognized Lars.

  She waved a hand to him from her spot on the boardwalk as he pulled the horse to a halt and stepped down in one smooth, fluid movement.

  “What are you doing out so early, sweet thing?” Lars pecked her cheek then squeezed her hand. If the smile on his face was any indication, he was happy to see her.