Heart of Hope Page 11

  “Will do, Cal.” Josh walked her to the back door. “Thanks again for coming today. I really appreciate it.”

  “Anytime.” Callan gave him a big smile as she walked out the door. “I’m sure I’ll think of some way for you to repay me.”

  Jenna’s doctor appointment was for late morning in Portland. Josh rose extra early and completed as much work as he could before returning to the house, showering, and helping Jenna out to her car. As they drove an hour into the city, he hoped the doctor could discover what made Jenna so tired. She did look better today and her color was definitely improving. Maybe it was a flu bug like she suggested, but he somehow doubted it.

  When Jenna arrived, she explained to the nurse that she was there for an annual check-up, but didn’t feel well and wanted to speak with the doctor about what caused her exhaustion. Josh stayed in the waiting room while the nurse took her blood pressure, weighed and measured her, then collected fluid samples.

  By the time the doctor finally walked into her exam room, Jenna fought fatigue. The doctor took one glance at her and knew something wasn’t right. She looked in her eyes, nose and throat, had her breathe and swallow. While she proceeded with the exam, the doctor kept up a friendly chatter, asking several questions.

  The nurse returned to the room, smiling excitedly as she handed a folder to the doctor. The doctor completed the rest of the exam then told Jenna she’d like to have her come to her office. While Jenna dressed, the nurse escorted Josh from the waiting room then led them both to the doctor’s office.

  As they sat facing the doctor, Jenna felt Josh take her hand in his and squeeze it lightly. The warmth of his fingers wrapped around hers made her feel protected and loved.

  “Jenna, after your exam and looking at your test results, I can tell you that your condition is temporary. It should completely right itself in about seven months.” The doctor offered them both a pleased smile.

  “She can’t make it like this through seven more months,” Josh said, letting go of Jenna’s hand and leaning forward on his knees. Was the doctor crazy or completely lacking in empathy? “Can’t you do something for her?”

  “I assure you, she can. Women have been doing it since the beginning of time. I don’t think you have anything to worry about, Daddy.” The doctor gave Josh a pointed look.

  “Well, what does…” Josh suddenly looked from Dr. Meliah to Jenna then back to the doctor. She grinned and nodded her head. “Daddy? Do you mean she’s… that Jenna ... that we’re gonna have a baby?”

  “That is exactly what I mean. Congratulations to you both. It looks like Jenna is about seven weeks pregnant,” the doctor said enthusiastically. She picked up some brochures and a prescription pad, scribbling something across it before handing the information to Josh while she turned to Jenna.

  “Jenna, you’re going to need to take these vitamins. It’s important that you get enough rest and stay hydrated. From what you said earlier, your new job is very stressful, demanding, and you’re out on the road a lot. That is going to have to change. You may need to look at cutting back hours or turning in the suitcase for a desk job. You certainly won’t be able to do the traveling in the late stages of your pregnancy. As for your exhaustion, it should get better as long as you don’t push yourself and rest when you feel tired. It isn’t uncommon for expectant mothers to need naps.”

  While the doctor spoke and Josh absorbed all the information, Jenna seethed. She could hear voices droning on around her, but she couldn’t bring herself to join in the conversation.

  Pregnant! How could this have happened?

  Well, she knew how it had happened, but she didn’t want it to have happened. She didn’t want to be a mother, didn’t want to quit her job, didn’t want to be forced into the role of parenting.

  Even admitting she did not want this baby, she knew she was having it. For her, and most certainly for Josh, there weren’t any other options. From the look of pure joy on his face, he was thrilled with the news.

  “Thank you, doctor. This is the best news,” Josh said, unable to stop smiling. He picked up Jenna’s hand again and rubbed his thumb along the back of it. What had felt comforting to her minutes ago now irritated her.

  Josh turned to look at Jenna as she stared out the doctor’s office window, lost in her thoughts.

  This unwanted baby would completely change her life. Josh’s would continue on much like it always had, but she was the one who would give up her career and her dreams while her body morphed into something neither one of them would recognize.

  “Jenna, you’re awfully quiet.” Dr. Meliah studied her intently. “Do you have any questions?”

  “No,” Jenna finally managed to say, turning her gaze from the window back to Dr. Meliah. She didn’t think the doctor would appreciate questions like, “Why wouldn’t you just let me have one more month of pills?” or “How can you spend years on birth control and get pregnant two weeks after you quit taking them?”

  Josh watched emotions fly across Jenna’s face and felt acute disappointment at what he witnessed. He registered her anger, frustration, and fear. Nothing he saw said she was happy or excited, or even the tiniest bit pleased at the miracle they had created together. Although unplanned, their baby was a miracle of life and one he planned to celebrate.

  “How about you, Josh? Any questions?” Dr. Meliah asked, turning to him.

  “I was just wondering how often women get pregnant while they’re taking the pill. I mean, it won’t hurt the baby will it?” Josh asked, concerned.

  “Jenna, maybe you better answer his question.” Dr. Meliah was under the assumption that Jenna and Josh both knew she hadn’t filled her prescription for a while.

  “I ran out of pills a couple months ago. With my new schedule, I kept forgetting to make an appointment to come in for a new prescription. And here we are.” Jenna’s tone sounded clipped and peeved.

  “But...” Josh looked at Jenna then turned back to the doctor. “So Jenna didn’t have any medication in her system when she got pregnant?”

  “Not enough to be effective. Normally, it takes a while to get pregnant once you quit taking birth control pills, but sometimes it happens quickly. Everything should be just fine, Josh,” Dr. Meliah assured him. The doctor wrote down some notes and handed Jenna a slip of paper to give to the receptionist.

  “I’d like to have you come back in five weeks. We’ll do an ultrasound then and you’ll be able to listen to the baby’s heartbeat and see your first photo of the little one. You might want to wait until then to start spreading the news of your baby’s upcoming arrival. Most danger of miscarriage is past by then,” the doctor explained. “Because of your age, Jenna, I would put you into a higher risk group, especially since this is your first baby. We generally do that with anyone over thirty-five. Since you’re thirty-six, you definitely fall into that bracket. Make sure you start on those vitamins right away and get plenty of rest. I’m sure this husband of yours will take great care of you.”

  “I plan on it, ma’am.” Josh wrapped his arm protectively around Jenna as they walked out the door. He wanted to jump up and kick his heels, shout from the rooftops that they were finally, finally going to have a baby. He couldn’t have been any more excited if someone had told him he’d just won the lottery.

  Jenna, on the other hand, still hadn’t said a word. However, her silence screamed at him as they walked to the car. After holding her door open for her, he waited until she fastened her seatbelt to lean down and kiss her. She stiffened against him. He stared into eyes filled with contempt and anger.

  Unsettled, he shut her car door and walked to the driver’s side, trying to think of a way to avoid the fight he sensed was coming. He absolutely hated conflict of any kind.

  After growing up with a cruel, spiteful mother who thrived on keeping everyone at odds, he avoided engaging in arguments. It reminded him too much of the years he and Callan spent with their deranged mother while their dad worked to keep a roof over their heads and
food on the table. Even though his mother passed away several years ago from cancer, Josh still hadn’t fully overcome the trauma of his childhood.

  Unable to bear Jenna’s silent wrath, Josh turned on the radio on the drive home. Jenna stared out the passenger window, clenching her hands together until they turned white before folding them angrily across her chest.

  “Do you want to go to the pharmacy before we head home or would you rather I run in after dropping you off?” Josh asked as they neared their turn-off.

  Jenna was so angry, she felt like screaming and kicking her feet. How could she have been so stupid? She knew better. She absolutely knew the risks involved. How could she have assumed it would take months for the effects of the birth control pills to wear off before she’d need to worry about it? The only person she was angrier with than herself was Josh. How dare he be so happy about this knowing how much she didn’t want to be a mother. This was entirely his fault.

  “I’d rather I wasn’t pregnant at all, but since that can’t be changed, I might as well go with you,” Jenna said through clenched teeth. Her jaw was set in a way that made Josh cringe.

  On what should be one of the happiest days of their married life, Jenna refused to see the blessing of this pregnancy, wallowing in pity over what she viewed as her broken dreams.

  Josh drove into town and parked outside a superstore. He thought about going to the small pharmacy in Tenaity where everyone knew you by name, but decided for the sake of Jenna’s privacy, it would be better to go somewhere it was easy to blend into the crowd.

  He hurried around the car, opened her door, and held his hand out to her. She sent him a cold glare before refusing his hand and stalking toward the entrance. Josh grabbed a cart and followed along behind. When they got to the vitamin section, he pulled out the list the doctor had written on the prescription pad and handed it to Jenna. He watched as she read labels and carefully selected each bottle. She may not like what had happened, may be furious at him without cause, but she would take care of herself for the baby’s sake.

  Josh pushed the cart and followed her as she headed toward the grocery section. She loaded up on fruits, vegetables, cheese, milk, and lean meats. Josh couldn’t pass by a tray of brownies in the bakery and added them to the cart, earning himself another glare. If she planned to make him suffer, he’d endure it with chocolate in hand.

  They made it to the checkout line without running into anyone they knew. While Jenna dug around in her purse, Josh tossed in a few magazines on parenting and pregnancy. It seemed to him that at least one of them should take some interest in the little life growing in Jenna and figure out what they needed to do in each coming stage.

  When they arrived home, Jenna didn’t wait for him to open the car door. Instead, she hustled inside and veered into the guest bathroom. By the time he had all the sacks of groceries inside, Jenna sat at the counter looking worn out and defeated.

  She helped pull a few things out of bags and happened across the magazines. She glanced at the covers, slapped them on the counter, marched to the bedroom, and slammed the door.

  That went well, Josh brooded as he continued putting away the groceries. He’d just finished when his cell phone rang. From the caller ID he knew it was Callan.

  “Hey, Cal.” Josh attempted to sound much more upbeat than he felt. He wasn’t sure how to harness joy and happiness with dismay and distress.

  “What did the doctor say?” Callan’s concern carried in her tone. “Is Jenna okay?”

  “Not exactly.” Josh was unsure what to tell his sister. He didn’t want to lie to her, but he wasn’t convinced telling her the real reason for Jenna’s fatigue was the best idea, especially in light of Jenna’s reaction to the news.

  “What’s wrong? Is it something serious?” Callan sounded on the verge of tears. “It’s not something major, is it?”

  “It, um, is definitely major and absolutely serious, but nothing that won’t cure itself in a few months time,” Josh answered ambiguously.

  “Josh, you aren’t making a lick of sense. Let me talk to Jenna.”

  “I don’t think she’s much in the mood for talking,” Josh said with honesty.

  Releasing a sigh, he decided to be upfront with his sister or she wouldn’t give him any peace. “Jenna’s pregnant. We had no idea. She forgot to mention a few things to me over the course of the last couple of months. She’s less than thrilled about the whole situation. As a matter of fact, she is currently not speaking to me and I may be sleeping upstairs for a while.”

  “Oh, Josh,” Callan said, her voice wavering. “I don’t know what to say.”

  Josh knew his sister would have given almost anything to be able to have a baby of her own. Instead, his wife was pregnant and didn’t want the baby. Ironic how life often makes such interesting turns and twists.

  He heard Callan suck in a gulp of air. If he knew his sister, she was wiping tears off her cheeks and straightening her spine.

  “What can I do to help?” Callan asked with sincerity. “Do you want me to talk to her?”

  “Not yet.” Josh explained that Jenna was only seven weeks pregnant and they wanted to keep it quiet for another month. Callan promised to keep it a secret and encouraged Josh to pray about the best way to help Jenna come to terms with the pregnancy.

  “Thanks, Callan. If there’s anything you can do that’ll help, I’ll let you know.” Josh disconnected the call and leaned against the counter, staring down the hall at the closed bedroom door. He sent up a quick prayer for direction and wisdom.

  Aware that Jenna needed to keep hydrated and take her vitamins, he thought she should also eat something. He assembled a tray with cheese and crackers, a glass of sweet tea, and some sliced melon. He carried it to the bedroom door and managed to hold the tray in one hand and open the door with the other.

  Jenna sat on the window seat, staring out at the backyard. She didn’t even look up when he walked in.

  “I thought you might like something to eat and drink.” Josh set the tray on the bed. He walked over to stand beside her and reached a hand out to touch her arm. When he did, she pulled back and turned on him with a fury he’d never expected.

  “How could you do this to me? You know how hard I’ve worked to be successful at my job, to build my career. Now it’s over. Completely over! Life is never going to be the same again and it is your fault!” Jenna screamed at him, ignoring the look of pain that flashed through his eyes and the betrayal that filled his face.

  She wasn’t in the mood to be rational. She wanted to lay the blame somewhere other than herself and vent her anger. Josh just happened to be the one available.

  “Jenna, this is not my fault. You never told me you ran out of pills. That might have been a good detail to share with me, don’t you think? You never once mentioned that getting pregnant was a possibility,” Josh defended himself, taking a step back from Jenna as she jumped up from the window seat.

  “Don’t you blame me, you… you… Casanova,” Jenna yelled, wagging her index finger in his face. “You run around here half-naked, all bronzed and beautiful with those rippling muscles and swarthy good looks. You know exactly how this happened, you… seducer.”

  “Babe, can we please sit down and talk about this rationally?” Josh placed his hands on her arms, wishing she’d stop whipping her finger around in his face.

  She jerked away from him. “Don’t you babe me, you… man. It’s all fine and dandy for me to be pregnant because I’m the one who has to give up my career and my dreams. I’m the one whose body will never be the same. I’m the one who has to change everything. Life for you will continue uninterrupted,” Jenna ranted, pacing back and forth across the bedroom.

  “No, Jenna. Life changed this morning when you looked at me with hate and disgust in your eyes.” Josh lost the tenuous hold he had on his temper. His eyes turned the color of cold gunmetal while a vein throbbed at his temple. He grabbed Jenna’s arms again and held her still.

  “Just st
op it, right now. Maybe a part of you wanted to get pregnant. Did you think of that? Why else would you skip taking your pills? You can tell yourself whatever you want, but you can’t ignore the truth. You made this choice.” Josh continued holding onto her arms, his own jaw set in determination as he narrowed his gaze.

  “The fact of the matter is that we made this baby together because we love each other. You can’t deny it. You can’t change it. We are having this baby. We can do it together as a team or you can fight it every step of the way, but the result is going to be that in seven months we are bringing home a baby. He is never going to know that his mother didn’t want him. Not ever. Do you hear me, Jenna?” Josh grabbed her chin with his hand, forcing her to look at him. “We will never do that to our child. Never! Is that clear?”

  “Perfectly.” Jenna matched him glare for glare. “Now let go of me,” she hissed, shaking off his hands and running into the bathroom before slamming the door.

  “Very mature, Jenna. Why don’t you stamp your foot and stick out your tongue, too?” Josh yelled then stomped back out to the kitchen. He wanted to shout, he wanted to kick or punch something. Instead, he pounded his fist on the counter and sank onto a barstool. Burying his hands in his dark hair, he leaned his elbows on the counter and willed himself to calm down.

  A few minutes later, Jenna stormed out from the bedroom, dragging her suitcase behind her. Josh blocked her path as she tried to go past him out the back door.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” Steel edged the roughness of his voice as he fisted his hands at his hips and glared at her. If he had to, he would bodily carry her back to the bedroom and force her to stay.

  “I’m leaving.” Jenna wouldn’t make eye contact with him. “Get out of my way.”

  “Jenna, don’t do this. Don’t walk out that door.” Josh reached out for her, only to have her slap his hands.

  “Don’t touch me. Just let me go.” She made the mistake of looking at Josh, seeing the pain tearing through his face, the hurt in his eyes.

  Her own eyes filled with tears and her fury passed. Regret flooded through her.